We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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