So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
