It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
