last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
