when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
