dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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