he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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