xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
