Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
