be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
