Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
