Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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