hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
