At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
