I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
