Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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