i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
