Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
