why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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