We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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