Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
