thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
