kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
