Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
