Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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