my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
