Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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