my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
