So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His hands were made for my vagina.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
