can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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