I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
