their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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