sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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