My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I want a musical about memes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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