I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
