Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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