Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
