billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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