did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
