She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
