We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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