Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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