mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
