there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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