if you like me you must not know who I am
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
