I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
