Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
