My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
