mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
