Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
