A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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