were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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