my vag is so smooth its legendary
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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